girl theories

I hate to admit it but it's true... I'm watching The Hills. To protect my dignity I'm on the computer to appear disinterested. When in fact I'm writing about it and I'd like to take some time to make some observations:

Serious observations...

1. The higher pitched a girl talks to you, the less sincere she is.

example: "Heeeeeeyy! How aaaaarrre youuu? I haven't seen you in foreeeeever."

Ya no she doesn't care... and girls, stop talking this way.

Observations that a girl might learn from The Hills...

1. Eyeliner is the key to seduction. The more the better.

2. When you talk to people, don't look them in the eyes. Everywhere but the eyes.

3. If you really want to sound smaaarrt, you need to streeeetch the last syllable of every woooorrrd that you saaaaay.

4. Don't be like me and watch The Hills, look away!